Who is this Jesus?
Jesus came to me, to help and heal me…… and I will never be the same.
John 4:39- the woman at the well who had an encounter with Jesus is so convinced of what the Lord has revealed to her, she goes to the city to tell others about Him. The difference between myself and this woman at the well is the town’s people believed her and came to hear more about Jesus, and many times sharing what Jesus was doing in my life often led to difficulties and persecution.
What is the difference between then when Jesus appeared to the woman at the well and when Jesus came to me in 2004? -
Jesus tells us to remain watchful -Matthew 24:42/44 Therefore keep watch, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come. So you also must be ready, because the Son of man will come at an hour when you do not expect Him.
Jesus came to me when I wasn’t looking for Him.
I didn’t know to look for Him, let alone be ready for Him. Be ready for what?
I did not know, in my ignorance that the road I was on, was a way of death to my soul and spirit, especially as a Christian, who had accepted the Lord at 4 years old.
The bible tells us, my people perish for lack of knowledge but because of Gods amazing Grace He came to me and I found favor in His eyes.
I didn’t grow up in a Christian home but my grandmother took my siblings and I to church, until my parents starting attending church later in my teens.
Home growing up was strict and controlling and in my young teens years I starting acting out in rebellion.
Went on to experience,abusive relationships, meeting wrong kids to hang out with, was a runaway at 16 years old, in gang activity, drug use, alcohol. I was raped at 18 years old and by 19 years old I had an abortion.
Went on to other abusive relationships until I met my husband, had always partied smoking pot and drinking, going to bars to dance. It’s what you did with others to have fun and enjoy life. This is all I knew.
Drugs was a part of my life regularly since I became an adult. My drug use got worse and God blessed me with the pregnancy of my daughter. I really believed it saved my life then as drugs had such a hold on me. …. I stopped using and it was the healthiest I had been in years.
Went back to using and became a functioning addict again, and while using food while pregnant went back to using drugs, cocaine and drinking to hopefully use to help loose weight. Again met the wrong friends.
I overdosed on drugs, alcohol in 2002 and had an out of body experience. Something had change in me but my drug use got worse before it got better, and I had started cutting on myself. I realized that I needed help as it was hard for me to ask for help being the one my family depended on.
I checked myself into a drug outpatient treatment center but the night you had to tell your life story, is when I stopped going, there were too many people in the room to share something so intimate and personal that I had never dealt with before.
Purchased The Purpose Driven Life Book by Rick Warren and it changed my life drastically in how I saw God. It seemed like every word was alive and spoke to me personally. I didn’t know God this way. A God of Love and that I had a purpose with Him.
I went on to attempt to go to church but still struggled with using.
God spoke to me audibly, “I can’t help you unless I have all of you.”
And I knew, that meant my whole heart, so I threw the pot away, and said, okay Lord, you got me.
God woke me up early in the wee hours after going to bed as if calling me to come. That night I saw God, outside my window.
His face looked like an older Jewish man, brown skin and white white hair that was corn rolled to His head, and a white mustache and out of His lower chin, His mouth, was a sword, which moved completely instinct when He moved His head. My spirit immediately drew to Him and my arms threw themselves at him in a panic, this longing to be with Him. And I cried intently, and starting speaking in tongues, as if My spirit was telling of the pain inside I knew nothing about, in a repentance.
I was seeing Gods Face everywhere, in clouds, on trees, on the grass, on anything and everything, and Joy filled me and I was obsessed with interacting with Him constant
It became my passionate obsession and addiction of more and more and more, more of God and He poured into me as I stayed on my knees in prayer for hours and waiting for HIm to come as I looked out in my bathroom window………..,
God was right there, I could see Him and I ran as fast as I could towards Him. God would talk with me in a soft compassion voice, reassuring and understanding with this blanket covering me in comfort. Prayer, was my safe place and I spent hours in prayer, on my knees and in worship. I read the bible constantly as God was speaking to me.
I felt that my heart was on the judgment seat of Christ and went through a detailed repentance, God would bring to remembrance the things I has done that I hadn’t asked for forgiveness for. It wasn’t condemning, it was this urgency to know myself.
I was angry and bitter at my husband, my parents, myself and the whole world but then mostly my days where of bliss. I lost a considerable amount of weight and look better than I had in years.
I struggled for so long in not wanting to stay in my marriage but I also wanted to keep my vow and promise I had made to God in church.
My husband wasn’t experiencing the same revelation and divine encounters but he gave me time, space and privacy to be with the Lord in every way. My husband was always there helping me through my struggles spiritually and persecution I was experiencing.
I choose to stay in my marriage and to believe God that He would change me, my husband stayed. My husband loved me through my pain, and overcoming the fullness of my sinful nature. I had many times isolating myself away from everyone to be with God as I so desperately wanted to be with Him. I obessively tried to do and say everything right and line everthing up with my heart and mind, there where so many wrong ways of thinking, but I couldn't stop trying to get it right, relentless in my pursuit of God and working out my salvation, I knew if I was in His Kingdom, that it meant for myself, I was well complete and whole in Christ, and I didn't feel well, my emotions had been numb for so long with Drugs I didn't know how to handle too much of anything. God set me apart for Him. I went from church to church, trying to fit in somewhere, or move because I wanted more, more knowledge, more worship more of God. I always felt that there is something big God wants me to do, there is more the church is missing out on.
People didn't understand what God was doing in my life especially my family but as God kept pouring more and more of the KIngdom of God into me and showing Himself to me, in dreams and visions and everywhere I looked, in the clouds and enteracting with me, I would tell and share with anyone who would listen.
I committed myself during my santification with God to preach on shortwave radio with Lesea Broadcasting to share the gospel with Israel, Egypt and surrounding areas weekly for a year. I went on the write a book about my testimony which was published in 2011, and went back to school to finish my Bachelor’s degree in Biblical Studies.
Couldn’t stay planted for very long in church and would eventually resort back to my friends that I was comfortable with. Kept looking for Jesus, the Jesus I new so well. I never stopped planting seeds of faith and moving towards God in some way. Helping others spiritually, telling them about Jesus, If I got stuck down a dead end road because of my wrong desires, I wouldn’t stay there long, I repented and moved on.
I gave up on the journey with myself and relapsed after 6 ½ years of all the work I had put into pursuing God. I thought I could do it all on my own struggling to stop on my own again but couldn’t, all the while trying to keep the faith. I gave up on myself.
I checked myself into rehab and overcame again with the Help of The Lord Jesus. Resurrected my dream again and relented into overcoming feelings of failure and frustration through the trials of being persecuted and the guilt of not knowing why Jesus wasn't enough?
My past is behind me and we overcame by the blood of the Lamb and the Word of our Testimony.
Found contentment and wholeness in Christ of turning from old things and old ways of thinking and old nature. Was born into God’s Kingdom 11 years ago and turned from all my sin in overcoming by the power of the Holy Spirit in a Love Divine Relationship. I learned obedience to God and Jesus Christ through learning to trust His Word and walk by faith, even if I stand alone in Christ. God is with me and God is for me.
God restored my love for my husband and my marriage. God removed the stronghold of addiction and broke the cycle of it all and Jesus is all I see. God stepped into my life to heal and help me seek to know Him and His love. God stepped out of heaven to help me a sinner saved by grace and give me an abundant life found in Christ through His redemption power of the Cross with a freedom I never knew was possible.
Our Heavenly Father is here, in a mighty way, ready to pour out His healing power of Love through the Holy Spirit and Prayer.
Thank you so much for allowing me to share my testimony.
Don’t ever let anyone silence you because they don’t understand your journey or relationship with God, don’t ever let anyone tell you you’re wrong because you don’t look like them or talk like them or do as they do. Don’t let anyone intimidate you in church to bully you out. And no one has the right to interrupt what God is doing in YOUR relationship with God, this is personal and intimate and God is consistent in all His Ways but inconsistent in how He deals with each and everyone of us. We are all at different levels spiritually and we are drawing near to God through His Word, worship and prayer.
In these days there are going to be many that come to the Lord Jesus that look nothing like the normal church folk. They are going to be more radical and fearless in their faith for Jesus and the church needs to be ready for them. We need to be more accepting of others when our walk is radically different and our talk is much more intense and passionate because of the personal encounter we have and God is fully in our presence never leaving or forsaking us in our extreme weakness.. The Enemy, satan and all of hells devils, the unseen darkness doesn't like to give up too easliy on those who turn from darkness into His Marvelous light. Once a friend of the world, now an enemy and threat to let truth be known.
Love the Lord God with all your heart , strength and mind and give Him everything, seek His Righteousness and all these things will be added. His word is faithful and true and that is my hope, that people will know and understand who God is and that He really does care oh so much about everything that is going on in our lives. He is a personal intimate on time God who wants a personal intimate relationship and is deeply and madly in love with His creation. Jesus Christ wants to manifest Himself to be known. God wants to show up and show out. His Power of Love for one who is soley commited to Him. Those who choose Him above all and above everything.
He is looking for the True Worshippers in Spirit and in Truth.
When we are weak and death looks more appealing than life, then there is a huge problem in our world. The bible tells us, my people perish for lack of knowledge, this is when God shows up in a great and magnificent way, don’t give up, keep reaching out to His Extended arm to save you, Call His name, JESUS, and He will answer you, call for Him to heal you, keep believing and walk by faith because His love for us is alive and is incrediably strong and His Word is powerful. And right now God is here in a mighty mighty way for His creation.
God is still in the business of healing, He is Still in the business of miracles today, and wanting to bless us in an awesome way, an inpouring that I Have experienced, a revival to strengthen and fill His People with healing, joy and more of Himself. The bible tells us that Heaven and earth will pass away but my Word will never pass away.